OK, so since I have way too much time on my hands, I have started look­ing at Ama​zon​.com a lot lately. They sim­ply have the most ran­dom crap ever (pretty much any­thing you could think of, they have it). I also enjoy read­ing the reviews as they some­times turn out to be very funny; almost LOL funny! I’ve col­lected a few of these funny reviews and would like to share them with you as they are very funny. Dis­claimer: I’m not totally pos­i­tive all of these reviews are for realsies.

  1. First Check 12 Drug Test, Home: “I’ve used this test sev­eral times over the past year and have found it to be accu­rate. On a cou­ple of occa­sions my son denied using the drug that showed pos­i­tive. How­ever, in every case, he even­tu­ally vol­un­tar­ily con­fessed. If he hadn’t, I might have thought the test was faulty.“

    Wow. Thank you sir/ma’am for telling the whole world that your son is a drug­gie. WTF?!?! Why would you even post this. I guess the self-​​conscious fil­ter for their brain has been com­pletely dimin­ished. My advice for you sir/ma’am: your son sucks and will prob­a­bly end up at some dead beat job that teenagers usu­ally work at, I.E: a diner or McDonald’s. Good advice, I know.

  2. Quick Fix 5.7 For­mula (Syn­thetic urine): “This is hands down the best prod­uct for safely pass­ing a drug test, I don’t know what I would have done with­out it! Keep it in the gooch, you’ll be all good!“

    Haha, LOL. Thank you sir/ma’am for also telling us you are a drug­gie. Too bad the review dates are close together; I could have assumed that the son in the pre­vi­ous review used this at his dead beat job and prov­ing that he is still a drug­gie. Oh well. I wish you all the best with mak­ing the world a worser place sir/ma’am.

  3. Remote Con­trol Snake: Banana Boa: “I learned the hard way that “Uncle Milton’s Banana Boa Snake” is not the best gift for a reg­is­tered sex offender to give his 6-​​year-​​old niece. Espe­cially when your name is “Mil­ton”. I am no longer invited over for the hol­i­days. Oops!“

    Uh huh. Well. Now I offi­cially know there is a reg­is­tered sex offender on Ama​zon​.com. I will def­i­nitely pro­ceed with cau­tion on this one. But seri­ously, I laughed so hard when I read this that I ques­tion its’ legit­i­macy. Quite funny.

  4. Flesh­light Orig­i­nal Male Mas­tur­ba­tor, Pink Lady (???): “[…] Another bonus–though also some­what of a negative–is fluid col­lec­tion. This thing col­lects the fluid that you expel so you don’t have to worry about mak­ing a mess. Also, you can try harder at the end and not have to get some kleenex or paper towel ready for the col­lec­tion process, and this in turn makes cli­max more enjoy­able. How­ever, it is some­what of a pain to clean the flesh­light itself. […]“

    I almost puked while I was laugh­ing on this one. First off, why would you review some­thing like this? Again with the self-​​conscious fil­ter (sir, you need to replace yours). Besides that, thank you sir for telling the whole world that you use this prod­uct and that future cus­tomers don’t need to worry about “fluid col­lec­tion,” that is just plain gross. And another note: I was sim­ply try­ing to find funny reviews and I remem­bered my friend say­ing that they sold con­doms and the such on Ama­zon, so I checked it out and they have a lot of other gross stuff that I couldn’t really stand to look at and so I got the review and got out of there ASAP.

  5. Haribo Gummi Candy, Happy-​​Cola, 5-​​Pound Bag: “[…] Par­ents, some­times sin­gle dads can­not be trusted to make good judg­ments about their kids’ eat­ing habits. Liv­ing with the stress of alimony can per­vert that part of the mind which reg­u­lates dietary choices, or com­mon sense.

    I hope this will serve as a valu­able object les­son for you all.”

    This review is not so much sad as just unnec­es­sary. Sir, I don’t care to hear about your mar­i­tal sta­tus; I can check that on Stalker­book. I never really imag­ined that per­sonal feel­ing about a mar­riage could pen­e­trate a review like this, let alone some gummy cola can­dies review, which is why I though it was funny. I mean, I would just like to know if the happy-​​colas are really happy? And just leave it at that sir.

So there it is; I rounded up 5 more or less funny reviews on Ama​zon​.com. I hoped you enjoyed read­ing this post and would like to thank you for doing so. And then I found five dollars.